Ok, so let me start off by saying I’m pretty sure we all know 15 people like this. Only we don’t know we know them. You know what I mean? Ok, you probably have no fucking clue what I mean. That being said, this girl is a champion wackadoo. Especially pretending to have cancer… oh well.
Kari Ferrell is a 22 year old grifter and con artist who recently worked as an administrative assistant at Vice Magazine. Bitch not only managed to get all her co-workers and fellow hipster peers to believe she had lung cancer and was a Cochella promoter but also that she was pregnant and most importantly, that she was a reliable non-dirtbag humanoid. That’s the biggest con of all, right there. She also convinced everyone that she loved giving bathroom blow jobs. But, kids, one of these things is not like the others!! You guessed it, she did in fact give lots of nasty portapotty dome and passed napkin notes all over town with things like “I want to give you a hand job with my mouth” written on them. Wackadoodle Doo.
So who cares she has a fondness for public sexy times and supposedly signs her pick up notes “Korean Abdul-Jabbar.” I give her mad props for that last one. Look out for at least 7 new DJs popping up with that name in the next minute and a half. But supposedly she stole a car, wrote some bad checks and stole money from people, here and in Salt Lake. That’s just lame. But, in hard times we need these mythic American blue collar he-minals (hero/criminal). And Congratulations, Kari. You have succeeded. Especially since Gothamist claims you are still in town “on good authority”… ohh la la! You frequent Alligator Lounge, Union Pool and Turkey’s Nest. Where will you pop up next? I just know if I get a napkin note with lurid come hither bathroom sex me up themes and it is signed Koren Abdul I will kindly deny but shake this woman’s hand. Well played, my dear. Well played indeed.
Also, she has a tattoo on her back that reads “I Love Beards.” So to all you scruffy, free balling/Cheap Monday wearing hiptards out there, look out! If you see this tattoo starring up at you in the morning, immediately call the cops and stay as still as you can. The mouth hand job monster is a distant relative of the t-rex. It can only see lots of awkward, androgynous movement.
And with that, I’m off to lurk bars in the Burg, Bushwick and Greenpoint, madly waving flares over my head like Jeff Goldblum. MUST GO FASTER!!
And what.
xoxo
-Pebbles Baby Rox
