Man on man, the game has changed, officially. I’m sure you’re thinking, “Well, that’s vague.” But here’s something not so vague at all. True Companion LLC has created what we’ve all been waiting for: the first life like sex robot named (wait for it) Roxxxy!! Well Roxxxy is not your average blow up doll.

No flat eyes and stiff acrylic hair. No weird pointy legs that normal shoes fall off of (I’m guessing). You can’t deflate her. Maybe this is a good or bad thing. Who’s to say- maybe she will withstand more day to day wear and tear but she’s not as easy to hide when the Time Warner man comes to call. I know you’re thinking, Ryan Gossling already has the tip on this soft, rubbery bitch. We’ve all seen “Lars and the Real Girl.” But noooo- she is way more serious than your average Real Doll.

(Don’t you love her classy meets trashy velour Christmas vest? WORK.)

How are they different, you ask? Can she initiate lovin, cook you a meal or even kiss your cheek? No, but… drumroll please… she can talk and sense when she’s being moved. Roxxy, you crazy, out of this world, trolop, you! Do her lips move? No, she talks out of an always open mouth via internal loudspeaker. Can she squeeze your hand back? No, but she’ll tell you how much she loves holding your hand, or maybe something else.

(Roxxxy in a typically limp position.)
So, what’s the difference between Roxxxy and a Real Doll daisy chained to your Macbook’s speach function? Not much besides the fact that you can download different personalities to the laptop that comes out of her back. Yeah. You better keep this one folded up in your murphy bed because she’s got a whole bunch of baggage.
She talks like a real girl, but not a Real Girl!! Look out. Let’s hope you don’t download the Cunty Carla personality- she might verbally sass you. But she’ll always be in this position.

No matter what.

And that’s why she’s a trailblazing robot. She may be simplistic and beta but somebody’s always gotta be first. 2010, what do you have in store for us? If there’s anything as useless as this, I’m sooooo excited to make more fun of it. Enjoy your night, pebblitos.

J’adore. Work it out.

xoxo

-Pebbles

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 13th, 2010 at 4:08 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.